Do It, Do It Now, but Do It Better

Do It…. Do It Now…. BUT Do It Better
I am a member of several Sailing groups on Facebook. Some of these groups have nearly 50,000 members. I have noted before that at any given time, there are only about 10,000 people out on the oceans actually cruising. That means there are many thousand more that are dreaming of cutting those dock lines and joining the cruising fleet or perhaps armchair sailing from the comfort of their lazy boy. A frequent post that I see while scrolling through those sites comes from an individual who laments about how badly they want to join fleet and sail away. Dozens of comments, sometimes hundreds of comments are soon to follow encouraging the person to Just Do It, Do It Now. I will sometimes pause and peruse the original poster’s page and then the pages of those encouraging him or her. I find it disheartening to note that many of those encouraging don’t seem to be cruisers. I find it disheartening because those posting comments are telling the poster what they want to hear, not always what they need to hear. In the course of our travels, I have seen a great many sail away poorly prepared and then end up in a strange place without a source of income or a support system and ultimately, they fail. During one week alone, there were 3 boats that sailed into an anchorage, packed everything up and sold their boat or simply walked away from it. I have seen floating homeless people, who are barely surviving. Their boats become derelict vessels because they are selling off parts and pieces of them just to survive and eat. Most of these people got rid of everything from their previous life before they left so they have nothing to go back to. This group of liveaboards are part of the reason many laws are being enacted that is slowly closing the doors for a cruising lifestyle. For those who think they want to sail away and join the cruising fleet, you need to know that it is not all Mai Tai’s and sunsets. It is a lifestyle that demands a lot from its people, it DOES give back, but it comes with a mental, emotional, and physical price tag and greenbacks as well. The learning curve is high and failure at sea can be catastrophic. Here are some observations that I have made during my learning curve that may help you make a successful transition to the cruising life.

Honestly understand why you are wanting to sail away
If you are failing on land you will likely fail at sea. As I peruse Facebook and look at the variety of reasons for choosing the liveaboard lifestyle, I note that there are as many reasons for sailing away as there are people posting. We all have our reasons for sailing away. In my husband’s case, he was raised in the military and was comfortable with the nomadic lifestyle. In my case, I had suffered a season of much loss and realized that I didn’t want to wait until I retired to do something outside of my comfort zone because if I waited I might not physically be able to manage the demands of sailing. Some people want to give their children a global, hands on education. Some people wait until they retire, some find themselves in a midlife upheaval of some sort and are forced to make a life change and consider sailing away as an option. It doesn’t matter what your reasons are, what matters is that you are mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically capable. If your life situation is one where you find yourself struggling with issues on land or you are wanting to run away from issues on land, then I would urge caution. The cruising lifestyle is not for someone who is struggling. Mother Nature and the ocean can be a very cruel mistresses and will find your weaknesses, hone in on them and exploit them to their fullest. I have for most of my career been in a management or mentor type position. When an employee or young person comes to me who is struggling and wants to move to greener pastures my advice is always this: Problems and issues will follow you wherever you go until you deal with them. Deal with them here and now and then if you still want to move on then you will be able to do so unencumbered. As a potential cruiser, please honestly reflect on your situation and station in life. If you are in a good place and are successful in your current situation, then chances are you will be successful sailing off into the sunset. If during your reflection, you find that you are struggling or running from something then this MAY not be the time to sail away. Take a little more time, face your issues, overcome your situation and THEN step into this lifestyle. It seems like a very glamorous and easy lifestyle. It is not as easy and glamorous as some of the videos and books would lead you to believe. It can be very hard and unforgiving at times. It is NOT cheaper or easier than living on land, it is simply DIFFERENT than living on land.

Understand each crewmembers motivation
Understand fully why each member of your crew is choosing this lifestyle Each member including minors needs to be able to express why they want to sail away. Everyone on the boat needs to be clear on their crewmates motivation for being there. Each person needs to both be able to voice their hopes, dreams, anxieties, and fears AND listen as their crewmates express their thoughts and feelings. If everyone on the boat is not truly vested in sailing away then perhaps placing a timeframe to reassess this issue after 2 years or 5 years so that those not vested don’t feel backed into a corner which can lead to resentment if things don’t go well. On many boats it is one persons dream and the others follow. It may not be the dream of every person on board. In this case it can cause some discontent, resentment, anxiety and or fear. In crisis situations that person who is not vested in the cruising dream may not be able to function well and help through the crisis. If it is not everyone’s dream, then concessions need to be made or at very least open conversation and communication needs to happen so that everyone is getting their feelings addressed and thoughts heard.

Understand crew dynamics
Understand the strengths and weaknesses of your family relationships Every relationship on the boat will be challenged at some point. The cruising lifestyle is punctuated by intense and overwhelming highs and lows. During those low points everyone needs to understand the value of each member of the crew. They need to trust each other and respect each other and know that once the crisis is over everything will be fine but there are going to be times of yelling, of frustration, of loneliness, of exhaustion, and DISCOMFORT. If you don’t like the way your partner responds in unpleasant situations then you may need to learn some crisis management strategies or maybe adding an additional crew member for passage making or maybe your partner needs to take additional sailing courses to increase skill and confidence or maybe your partner will meet you at your destination and not participate in passage making at all. The cruising life will either strengthen the bonds of each relationship or destroy them. The key is open and honest communication.

Have a hobby
Have a hobby to deal with boredom I remember reading in Tania Aebi’s book Maiden Voyage that while she bobbed for days in the doldrums, she plucked the hair on her legs because she was so bored. I couldn’t imagine boredom on a boat before we sailed away. I understand now and sadly I must admit that I have resorted to plucking the hair on my legs to pass time. There are times when weather does not allow you to get off the boat or even complete boat projects, so it is important that each person have at least one hobby of their own and then a hobby that they share with another person on the boat. I like to tat which is small and portable and takes up very little space. I love to read. I like to exercise and have developed an excellent core and body weight program. I was fine during those moments, but my husband did not have any hobby to turn to and that was a surprise because neither of us anticipated boredom would ever be an issue. There will be times of boredom and sometimes it lasts for days. We were pinned down by 40 knot winds and sandstorms in an anchorage for 4 days one time…that is a long time to share a very small space with one person. I say that you should share a hobby. I say that because during times of stress and boredom, it is easy to isolate and a shared hobby encourages crewmembers to reach out to others on the boat. We both enjoy beach combing and snorkeling. We enjoy Mexican train and cribbage which helped to pass the time on the boat but you can only play so many games and watch so many movies. I struggle with watching a lot of TV on the boat because I would not have had to give up so much if all I was going to do was watch a lot of TV. When I watch TV on the boat, it reminds me of all I have given up for this lifestyle so I have to turn to other hobbies to pass the time.

Develop strategies to deal with the lack of privacy
Understand there is no privacy There is no privacy on a boat. Everything that you say or do will be heard or seen by someone else on the boat. Every bodily function is experienced to some extent by your crewmembers. Every phone call is overheard, images on the screen of your computer or phone are seen, secret stashes are found, the margins of the individual that is you will blur and bleed into everyone else on the boat. It will become important to make sure that each person gets some time to devote to themselves that is free from anyone else. The potential lack of privacy should be a consideration when buying your boat. A smaller boat is less expensive and easier to single hand, however, the smaller the boat, the less privacy there is. Again, it is important to understand each crewmember and what their needs are and prepare accordingly. Some families might already have very open relationships and be accustomed to small spaces, but if you are currently living in a large home with everyone having their own bedroom then privacy will become an issue. If you have teen age children privacy is an issue. Privacy WILL at some point become an issue…address it…make sure you have a plan for yourself and crewmembers to have private time.

Know all of the systems of your boat
Know the systems of your boat intimately.  You may be one of the fortunate ones who can afford to have the maintenance done by others…during the daylight….in a boatyard…. The reality of the cruising life is that rarely do things go wrong during the day in the boatyard or marina. Things usually go wrong in the middle of the night, on passage, when the weather has turned to shit. The ability to manage crisis then depends on the ability of the crewmembers being able to manage the boat system that has failed in the dark and in terrible conditions. If you do not know your boat systems well, then an uncomfortable situation can turn dangerous very quickly. Even if you pay to have your work done, take the time to repeatedly go through each system on the boat. Make sure that when you are storing your tools and supplies you store them according to system and in places that are easily accessible. This might be a problem with the first mate who may have other ideas for some of the storage space. It is a good idea that all crewmembers know and understand the boat systems and where to access the tools and supplies to manage each system. The captain may become incapacitated or injured in some way and may not be able to manage each crisis. It is important for all crewmembers to have at least a working knowledge of each system. My husband knows each and every system on the boat and is amazing in crisis situations. I trust him implicitly in a crisis but did not learn every system and I am the weak link on our boat because of that. I have learned a lot and am light years ahead of where I started but I hate mechanical things and since the Captain is so competent, I did not learn every system and I would discourage sharp definitions of roles on the boat. Every person on the boat should be able to at least have basic knowledge of every function on the boat.
Learn Spanish and French if you are going to circumnavigate
If you intend on traveling abroad embrace the culture rather than trying to Americanize it. Yes, there are amazing apps out there now that can translate almost any language. Those are nice but impersonal and takes the spontaneity out of a conversation with a local. Your experience of a new culture with be exponentially better if you can enjoy it with locals in their language rather than using a smart phone or computer to communicate with each other or seeking out pockets of communities that have been Americanized just because it is easier to communicate and you haven’t even tried to learn the local language. It is also basic respect if you at least try. It doesn’t take much effort to learn simple phrases such as greetings, pleases and thank you. Just as there are apps for translating, there are a number of free apps to learn hundreds of languages, what better way to spend your night watches?
Be aware of local customs and respect them
As above, it doesn’t take much effort in this information age to make yourself aware of basic customs so that you can behave in a respectful manner. Some cultures believe that eye contact is confrontational and disrespectful, in America LACK of eye contact is perceived as disrespectful. In some places, women are expected to be well covered and nudity in male or female form is not acceptable. In some of the places we have been we have learned that in restaurants women’s shoulders and everyone’s feet should be fully covered. In some cultures you should not touch anyone above the elbow. We always tried to clean up and dress well when presenting to the Port Captain. It only takes a few minutes to make the effort to show appreciation for being welcomed into their country. Always remember your status….You are a guest, you are entitled to nothing. If you want your American rights and entitled ways then keep your travels within the borders of the United States. Entitled Americans abroad are an embarrassment and far too prevalent .
I am sorry that this is not a warm fuzzy blog but if you want to sail off into the sunset you need to face some of the realities of the sailing lifestyle. It can be truly amazing. You will see some of the most amazing beauty that nature has to offer. You will meet people that will stay with you the rest of your life. You will share experiences that will stir your soul. As with everything, the lifestyle is a give and take. The dividends that the sailing lifestyle gives are off the charts but you will pay for it one way or another. You can mitigate the cost by taking a little time to prepare and honestly face all aspects of the lifestyle.